Category Archives: Godly character

How does a partnership facilitator listen?

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Godly character
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”

How does a partnership facilitator listen? Here are twelve things to look for in a cross-cultural partnership facilitator relative to listening.

1. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators pray much before engaging in conversation with their indigenous ministry partners; they have a habit of asking God to give them “ears to hear.” Because of this habit, they have a lifestyle of listening. This may also be called “walking with God.”

2. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are comfortable listening to others; they’re skilled at asking questions—to learn, understand, and build trust. They are able to hear with their heart.

3. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are generally quiet; they’re not talkative people who need to get recognition for their every point of view. Beware of talkative people; they make bad partnership facilitators for one reason: they are not good at listening. Loud Americans and westerners are unsightly and ineffective in cross-cultural partnership settings.

4. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are skilled at “drawing out” and listening to the dreams of others, then reflecting back to them what they heard to make sure everyone understands.

5. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators enjoy helping their indigenous ministry partner’s dreams come true. They are happy when others get credit for ministry accomplishments. This joy fuels their interest in others and their ability to truly listen.

6. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are able to suspend judgment when faced with thorny situations; they do not rush to judgment; they are not rash. They are willing to give the benefit of the doubt, especially because significant cultural distance can so easily create misunderstanding. At the same time, they are able to wisely and lovingly ask difficult questions when a situation requires it.

7. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are generous about their time—they’re willing to take the time to sort through all the issues and gain a hearing from all sides. Good listening requires patience.

8. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators have invested in cultivating their own cultural intelligence (CQ). They are comfortable with various cultural dynamics such as direct versus indirect communications styles and can adjust accordingly. This makes them at ease; they are able to listen and converse skillfully in diverse settings.

9. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are effective at networking and mobilizing resources to pursue an agreed-upon vision. They also know that financial resources are not nearly as valuable as human resources.

10. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are able to recognize the value of modern business principles, while never making them idols that drive Christian mission. They see modern management methods as helpful, but not nearly as vital and catalytic as listening to God and to others, “hearing with your heart.”

11. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are Christ-centered. They live out an “abiding-in-Christ lifestyle” that allows them to value all people as sacred, and are committed to relational integrity above task-driven, numbers-oriented objectives. Christ himself is at the heart of their listening skills.

12. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators know that partnership is not so much a rational enterprise as a heart-to-heart community in the body of Christ; nevertheless, their “listening lifestyle” is in balance with a strong work ethic by which they pursue a partnership ministry vision of great deeds for the glory of God.

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear”

Biblical basis for partnership, Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Godly character
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”

This is a third post about the value of listening skills in cross-cultural partnerships. The first was Slow down: listen with your heart, featuring the video “Alan & Pauly Heller: On Listening.” Yesterday’s post was “Thank you, Mission ONE team, that you have blessed us”—these two posts are connected by the fact that Alan & Pauly Heller taught their listening workshop at the Mission ONE-sponsored marriage retreat in Thailand in March.

Today, I want to make some observations about the words of Jesus used in the title of this post. I recognize that in the context of Matthew 11:15, Jesus is referencing the need of the people in his immediate context to hear—specifically to hear his teachings in that setting. At the same time, I believe that in this short verse, Jesus is teaching something universal about our nature as human beings concerning our basic ability to hear God; Jesus is addressing our usually ironclad disposition of being hard of hearing. Below is my meditation on these words of our Lord Jesus Christ …

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” (Matthew 11:15)

1. Hearing comes from within. Hearing with your heart is a self-motivated behavior. A person can look like he or she is listening—despite the fact that their heart is far away. We all know when someone is physically present, but emotionally and spiritually distant. Jesus recognizes the freedom of conscience in the act of listening; he realizes that the turning of one’s attention away from self to another person is a free, deliberate action of one’s interior mind, heart and soul. It’s as though Jesus is saying to me: “Hey, Werner, you have two ears, yes? Well then, why don’t you let Werner know—the Werner deep inside—that he can go ahead and begin to truly listen.” Could it be that Jesus is telling me, that I must tell myself in an act of deep self-awareness, “Hey me … Stop being distracted by empty activity and superficiality. Slow down. You have two ears; reconnect your ears to your heart. Just … listen. Listen to God. Listen to His Word. Listen to the Spirit dwelling within. Listen to your spouse. Listen to your children, your neighbor, your co-worker. Listen to your conscience. Embrace silence, and hear. Be present to The Person and the persons around you. Honor their sacred lives by being completely present in their presence.”

2. Being hard of hearing is part of the sin nature. Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”  Jesus is using sarcasm to point out the reality that even though everyone has two ears, no one is truly listening! This speaks of the depravity of man, “as it is written: None is righteous, no, not one” (Rom. 3:10) … “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). Could it be that one great result of the Fall is the refusal to listen to God along with the chronic disease of being hard of hearing?

3. By God’s grace, everyone has the possibility of keen hearing. Jesus said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Everyone has two ears … but practically no one is truly listening. Nevertheless, anyone CAN hear because they do have two ears! This speaks of the wideness of God’s grace and mercy: “And the Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’ And let him who hears say, ‘Come!’ And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires [whoever!], let him take the water of life freely” (Revelation 22:17 NKJV). Could it be that one of the confirmations of our new life in Christ is the ability to listen to God along with the desire to truly listen to the people around us?

4. Everyone is fully designed to be able to hear well. “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” What? Do only some people have ears? No! Everyone has ears. Everyone has the necessary “equipment” to truly hear the Lord and to truly hear people. And through Christ, what once was burdensome (hearing God and obeying Him) now may become light and easy. With His spirit inside of us, we truly can listen to God, we truly can hear our Shepherd’s voice. With the nature of Christ merged with our own, we can be present to others with sincere love and a hearing heart. Why is this? God designed us fully equipped with two ears, a keen mind, and a heart that was designed for fellowship, for hearing the Lord. “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27).

5. My spirit desires to hear God, but needs permission from my will. This goes back to the phrase in the verse, “let him hear.” I am connecting the word “let” with the idea of permission, and it’s consistent with the fact that we often have an ongoing inner dialog, or silent conversation, with ourselves. Here’s the idea: In our inner dialog with ourselves, the will gives permission to the spirit—to hear. If this idea of permission is correct, it appears that Jesus assumes that the inner spirit of the individual wants to hear God. So for me to apply this verse, my will says to my spirit, “Go ahead, I give in, I give you permission: Listen to the Lord.” In effect, I (my will) say to my inner self (my spirit), “let him hear.” This is an act of deep intentional hearing, a key to opening the door of my heart with intent to obey. This is real soul-work, I believe. It takes self-awareness, a disciplined prayer life, and lots of practice. And it takes faith to do this. Faith that God is speaking, faith that his Word is reliable, faith that he is for me, faith that I can discern and distinguish his voice from strangers.

I admit, as I continue exploring this meditation on hearing, I feel like a novice. Lord, help me.

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“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Obviously, this applies to all of life, but what does it mean for cross-cultural partnership? For now, I’ll mention just this: Cross-cultural partnership is more about building relationships—serving and knowing one another in love, respect and humility—than about getting stuff done. What do you think?

Slow down: listen with your heart

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Godly character

He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
–Matthew 11:15

Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”

One of the critical skills for effective cross-cultural partnerships is empathic listening: “hearing with your heart.” [1] The purpose of this blog post and the two or three that will follow is to show you what this means. Below is a 14-minute video with Alan and Pauly Heller of the ministry Walk&Talk, entitled “Alan & Pauly Heller … On Listening.” You may be  thinking, “Fourteen minutes! Are you kidding? I don’t have that much time!”—which probably proves why you need to watch this video. I believe there is no more important skill in today’s world of global Christian mission and ministry, than the art of slowing down … listening well … hearing with your heart—in relationship to people and to our Lord. This is why an entire set of lessons is devoted to listening in The Beauty of Partnership learning journey.

Alan & Pauly Heller participated in a marriage retreat sponsored by Mission ONE in Thailand in March 2009. This was done to serve Mission ONE’s ministry partner, Mekong Evangelical Mission (MEM), directed by Dr. Chansamone Saiyasak. Eighteen Christian leaders from Thailand and Southeast Asia attended with their spouses. Alan & Pauly shared their ministry of training couples in specific listening skills—to help them connect heart-to-heart with one another. The marriage retreat had a huge impact on all those who participated—and even on the whole ministry of MEM. In the video below, you will see the crux of what Alan & Pauly taught in the marriage retreat in Thailand.

In tomorrow’s blog you will see pictures from the marriage retreat and comments reflecting the results. So come back tomorrow. Enjoy…


1. I discovered this definition of empathic listening on the web page of Peter K. Gerlach, MSW: http://sfhelp.org

Myths to reject—to help your partnership succeed, part 1 of 3

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Godly character, Indigenous ministries, Organizational competence, Training
  1. “I have more to teach than to learn, more to give than to receive.”
    When it comes to cross-cultural partnership ministry, it’s often the other way around. You may indeed have much to teach, but if you have this attitude, it will be an obstacle to serving well. Why not engage in cross-cultural partnership to learn together, to discover what God is teaching all parties in the partnership? What’s more, given that the church in the west is generally in significant decline (see my blog post, 15 August 2009), shouldn’t we rather learn from our brothers and sisters in the majority world—how to pray, strategize, serve and suffer well in the cause of Christ?
  2. “We can partner without being invited.”
    I recently heard of a mega-church that decided to build a school in Africa for half a million dollars, and then also committed to fund it for 10 years. Seems like a worthy goal, except for one huge thing: This was done without consultation from the local leadership, without local “ownership”—essentially, without being invited. This is probably a train-wreck waiting to happen. It belies a lack of trust and respect for local leaders, and violates the spirit of humble servanthood. For more on this, see my blog post, “Have we been invited?”
  3. “I can control the partnership with the right system.”
    I am aware of a cross-cultural partnership which began with this attitude: “We absolutely can’t let this fail” … “We have to control this as much as possible” … “One of us from our side will sit on their board of directors, and we are going to MAKE SURE there are no problems.” What do you think happened? The partnership failed miserably—and there is an ongoing three-year lawsuit between these Christian partners. The result has been that thousands upon thousands of dollars have been squandered, along with untold heartache and the name of Christ defamed.
  4. “My ministry model is the most biblical.”
    If you believe that, you have probably labored intensely to be faithful to the Word of God—and paid a significant price to do so. This is a good thing. But isn’t it also true that your ministry model is influenced in part by your culture, your worldview, and peer group? Your ministry model is one way of obeying the Scriptures, and it is possibly no more biblical than a myriad of other ministry models found in the majority world. Consequently, we should be very cautious in trying to extend our unique ministry model across other cultures around the world.

Will I choose “the robe” or “the towel” in partnership with indigenous ministries?

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Godly character, Quotes, articles & books related to cross-cultural partnership

Jesus washing Peter’s feet, by Ford Madox Brown
Jesus washing Peter’s feet, by Ford Madox Brown

Duane Elmer’s Cross-Cultural Servanthood: Serving the World in Christlike Humility is a wonderfully rich book describing the challenge and promise of Christlike servanthood in cross-cultural settings. But it’s not only helpful for people who serve full-time in cross-cultural ministry. Elmer’s book is also great for anyone engaged in partnership with indigenous ministries … or going on a short-term mission trip … or who simply wants to be more like Jesus in their everyday relationships. Everyone would benefit much from this read, simply because servanthood is so contrary to our nature.

The message of this book is partly based on John’s gospel, chapter 13, where Jesus washes the disciples’ feet.

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him …

When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.  –John 13:3–5, 12–17 (ESV)

Dr. Elmer says that a vital question for Christ followers centers around the metaphor of the robe versus the towel: Will I serve God in the way of the robe or the towel? Jesus took off his outer garments, his robe, representing authority and lordship—and instead took up the towel, and washed the disciples’ feet. Footwashing was a common practice in that culture, but it was always a job reserved for the most lowly of servants. Nevertheless, Jesus chose the towel. Elmer writes…

Jesus came to earth occupying two roles: (1) Lord and Christ, and (2) humble, obedient servant. He alone is Lord and Christ. But he taught and exemplified humble servanthood, the role we are to occupy—the way of the towel. The problem arises when his followers choose to follow him in his kingly role and not in his servant role. They gravitate toward the robe while resisting the towel. The Lord Jesus Christ alone wears the robe. His disciples are to follow him only in his humble, obedient servant role—maybe even his suffering-servant role.

I understand this. I gravitate toward the honor of the robe and while resisting the humility of the towel. But as I abide in Christ, another way is genuinely possible: the way of servanthood.

Isn’t this is the essence of healthy cross-cultural partnerships—Christ-centered servanthood? We in the west have such a tendency toward an attitude of superiority. It’s natural. A mindset of superiority is usually not explicitly stated by westerners, but non-western Christians can easily sense when westerners visiting their country come across as having more money, better ideas, better spiritual wisdom, more ministry experience—an attitude of superiority rather than servanthood. Ironically, westerners often have more to learn from them than the other way around. At Mission ONE, we believe that in a healthy cross-cultural partnership, we are learning together, from God and from one another.

This book by Duane Elmer can offers clear guidance about specific behaviors and practices so that we can actually live out “the way of the towel.” Those practices are openness, acceptance, trust, learning, and understanding—all culminating with truly effective serving. The book is structured around these practices; I love the definitions, the practical life stories, the clear principles, the Christ-centered theology. Thank you, Dr. Elmer, for the great service you have rendered to the church through your book.

Will I choose the robe or the towel in my life? Will the way of the towel be what characterizes how I partner with indigenous minsitries? By God’s grace, and by abiding in Christ, I want to choose the towel, don’t you?

What is a “partnership in the gospel?”

Biblical basis for partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Godly character, Uncategorized

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. (Philippians 1:3–5 ESV)

Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi is, among other things, a letter that celebrates partnership. Here are some introductory observations about this theme based on Philippians 1:3–5.

  • Paul remembers the believers in Philippi. It seems he thinks of these Philippian believers often, evidenced by the phrase, “always in every prayer of mine for you all.” We learn from Paul that a healthy partnership is a heart-to-heart connection which deeply affects what we think about. Partnership is not just a passing experience, devoid of long-lasting impact on our lives. A healthy partnership has “relational staying power.” This encourages us to define partnership not only by what is accomplished (although that is important), but more significantly by relationship—the people we come to know and love and work with toward a common vision.
  • Paul prays for the believers in Philippi—a lot! In any cross-cultural ministry partnership, one evidence of health is the quality and quantity of prayer. Paul indicates that he prays for the Philippian church all the time; he is thinking about them and cannot help himself. It seems he prays for them night and day. This adds a cosmic dimension to the relational depth between him and the Philippian believers. This is way beyond just human friendship. This is a human relationship, a community, a fellowship which has its origin and life in the divine. Paul prays for them, and, according to verse 19 of chapter 1, they also pray for Paul: “for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance.” Prayer keeps the relationship alive, active, full of the energy of the Holy Spirit, even though they are geographically distant.
  • Paul’s affection is joy. Paul describes his prayer for them as “my prayer with joy.” It is no surprise that he remembers them: there likely is great joy in his memories. Paul writes from prison in Rome, so the sweet memories of the saints in Philippi is a source of encouragement to him. A healthy partnership has positive feelings: joy, affection, hope. An unhealthy partnership has feelings of neutrality (neither hot nor cold), disappointment, distrust.
  • Paul’s partnership has divine purpose—“the gospel.” This is a “partnership in the gospel.” The gospel is the good news of Jesus Christ. The gospel carries with it the divine expectation of God, namely, that the blessing of salvation in Jesus Christ will be extended by his church to all nations, all peoples, everywhere. The gospel is not just a set of beliefs or doctrines, it is so much more than that. The gospel is a dynamic, global, divine mission and blessing—rooted in the Person of Jesus Christ—and extended through his body, the church—to all peoples. Paul identifies himself in Romans 1:1 as “a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God.” The gospel of God is thoroughly infused with mission; Paul is sent on mission as an apostle; Paul’s life gives testimony to the fact that the gospel requires enormous sacrifice, adventurous journeys, and suffering.

The fact that Paul’s life has so divine a purpose because of the gospel, is an aspect itself of the glorious goodness of the gospel. Yes, Paul must sacrifice. Yes, there is pain. Yes, there are times of despair. But knowing Jesus Christ in His purpose and mission far exceeds all the negatives. This gospel, this Savior, is so strong, so beautiful, so glorious, so worth dying for. In Philippians 3:8, Paul writes, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.” With the Person of the Lord Jesus Christ at the center of it all, it is a mission of blessing; it is also the blessing of being on mission.

I can now ask myself: To what extent am I remembering the brothers and sisters in Christ for whom I am advocating, and with whom I am partnering? Do I pray for them like Paul did—“in every prayer of mine for you all”? Can I add to or deepen my prayers for the saints with whom I am partnering? Is there joy in my memory of the ones in distant lands for whom I serve as an advocate; can that joy be enhanced or rekindled through my prayer for them? Do I fully embrace Christ’s divine expectation? Am I wholly committed to this mission of blessing and this blessing of mission—through cross-cultural partnership?

I am under conviction. What a challenge, and what a joy. What trembling and delight we can have being engaged in “a partnership in the gospel.”