Category Archives: Cultural intelligence

Ascribed honor versus achieved honor: what does it mean for cross-cultural partnerships?

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Honor and shame

There are two kinds of honor—ascribed honor and achieved honor. It is important for westerners to understand the difference. It will help them navigate social situations in all honor and shame societies, particularly those in the Muslim world and Asia. The result should be healthier relationships, deeper friendships, more effective cross-cultural partnerships, and ultimately … and more people following Christ to the glory to God.

Ascribed honor is the value given to a person in public based on one’s family, bloodline, and heritage. On the other hand, achieved honor is the value or worth given to a person based on what one has accomplished—usually through some form of competition or challenge; rivalry or warfare can also be part of this.

This contrast is easy for westerners to understand—we acknowledge both the ascribed honor of powerful political families, and we celebrate the accomplishments of great athletes, an expression of achieved honor. However, what westerners do not normally recognize is the intensity to which the pursuit of honor and the avoidance of shame influences the behavior of people. Honor and shame is a core value for family, vocation, politics, religion—in short, for everything that matters in life.

One way to explain the difference between ascribed honor and achieved honor is to let the Bible give us examples. Consider the following verses about the honorable, indeed, glorious, identity of Jesus Christ.

Here are two verses about the ascribed honor of Jesus Christ:

  • “The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham” (Matthew 1:1 ESV). Note that the entire first chapter of Matthew is given to establish the honor of Christ’s identity by establishing the Jewish family line through which Jesus came. This was extremely important to the Jewish people, and it makes perfect sense that it appears in Matthew’s gospel, since this gospel more than any other was written to the Jewish audience.
  • “and behold, a voice from heaven said, This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17 ESV). Following the baptism of Jesus, God the Father declares the honor of his Son by publicly stating his divine love and pleasure toward him.

Here is a classic passage about the achieved honor of Jesus Christ:

  • And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2:9–11 ESV). Note the the word, “Therefore.” This word is a conjunction, linking the super-exaltation of the Lord Jesus Christ with what he achieved on the cross. His honor was, in this sense, earned or achieved, because of the humiliation he suffered and the work he accomplished (“It is finished!”) through his Passion and crucifixion.

Below is a passage, Hebrews 1:1–5, 8–9 (ESV) describing both the ascribed honor and achieved honor of Jesus Christ:

1  Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets,
2  but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, [ascribed honor] through whom also he created the world.
3  He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature [ascribed honor], and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high [achieved honor],
4  having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs [ascribed honor].
5  For to which of the angels did God ever say,

You are my Son,
today I have begotten you? [ascribed honor]

Or again,

I will be to him a father,
and he shall be to me a son? [ascribed honor]

8  But of the Son he says,
Your throne, O God, is forever and ever,
the scepter of uprightness is the scepter of your kingdom.
9  You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has anointed you
with the oil of gladness beyond your companions. [achieved honor]

In fact, when you read the first two chapters of Hebrews, one can see it is permeated by the eastern value of honor and shame. The author is making an irrefutable case for the exalted honor of the Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ.

A western Christian may observe this in a detached, logical way—while the eastern Christian may perceive this with far more relevance and impact. For the western Christian, it would be like looking a map called the Bible and seeing on that map a river called The Honor & Glory of the Son of God. The western believer says, “Ah, yes, there it is, that is a very big river, indeed.”

Christians from an eastern culture—where the value of honor and shame dominates life—would be more likely to receive this passage of Scripture with deep emotional and life-impacting significance. Because of the cultural significance of honor and shame, for them it is unlike seeing the name of the river on a map; it is more like swimming in that river of truth, being influenced by the strong current of the river, terrified by its depth while enjoying its freshness and life-giving purity. The eastern believer cannot compartmentalize this as a facet of truth to be acknowledged, but swims in this honor and shame reality every hour of every day of his life.

Can you begin to see how this understanding about honor and shame could significantly impact the work of facilitating a healthy cross-cultural ministry partnerships between eastern and western Christians?

  • Consider the importance of ministry focused on family, fatherhood, and bloodline as opposed to ministry centered on individuals. Ministry to the family and children is important in western churches; how much more important is it in eastern cultures?
  • What if you are invited to visit the parents of your ministry partner? What is the best way to handle that? What does that mean for your partnership?
  • What does the strong avoidance of shame imply concerning the directness or indirectness of your communication styles? The honor-and-shame practice of ‘saving face’ plays a huge role here.
  • How does honor and shame impact a ministry partner’s willingness to assume risk or to live with caution?
  • Competition, envy, and rivalry are on the dark side of the honor and shame value system. Is this showing up anywhere in the dynamics of your cross-cultural partnership? How do you respond?

Fortunately, the answers for these questions are all in the Bible, because the Bible was written from an honor and shame cultural perspective. What do you think? Do you have an experience or insight that can help others? Please share them in the comments section below.

Let’s serve our cross-cultural partnerships with biblically-informed cultural intelligence, for the honor of the Lord Jesus, and to the glory of God. Understanding honor and shame, and embracing the God’s passion for his glory among the nations, can help us do that.


Why understanding “honor and shame” matters in cross-cultural partnership

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Quotes, articles & books related to cross-cultural partnership

Honor-and-shameUnderstanding honor and shame as a dominant value in eastern cultures helps us differentiate the “east” from the “west.” In the United States and other western nations, the values of right and wrong are dominant in contrast to honor and shame. Another way of describing this is to say that the west has “guilt-based” societies, whereas the east has “shame-based” societies. This contrast is extremely significant in the way people lead their families, order their lives, make decisions, and relate to others in their community. It is a core value for family, vocation, politics, religion … in short, for everything that matters in life.

An excellent resource for understanding the honor and shame culture of the eastern world (and the cultures of the Bible) is Jerome H. Neyrey’s Honor and Shame in the Gospel of Matthew. The opening chapters alone provide an excellent overview of the prominence of the honor and shame values which are entrenched in the eastern world, beginning with the ancient world of Greece and Rome. Here are some quotes …

Honor is defined as “the worth or value of persons both in their eyes and in the eyes of their village, neighborhood, or society” … “The critical item is the public nature of respect 
and reputation.” (p. 15)

[Quoting Aristotle]: “Now the greatest external good we should assume to be the thing which we offer as a tribute to the gods and which is most coveted by men of high station, and is the prize awarded for the noblest deeds; and such a thing is honour, 
for honour is clearly the greatest of external goods … it is honour above all else that great men claim and deserve.” (p. 5)

“It would not be an understatement to say that ‘honor’ as reputation and 
‘good name’ was endemic to 
the ancient world; hence, we hear classicists and anthropologists calling it a ‘pivotal value’ of 
the Mediterranean world, both ancient and modern.” (p. 5)

[Concerning Scripture]: “Whether we turn to Paul’s letters and examine his self-presentation, his conflict with rival teachers and preachers, his praise of certain behavior or blame of other, or his articulation of the status and role of Jesus—all of this needs to be assessed in light of the pivotal value of his world, namely, honor and shame.” (p. 15)

I believe that when Christians from the west are partnering cross-culturally with Christians in the east, then the understanding of the honor and shame value system is crucial to having deep friendship and a healthy partnership. This is but one aspect of the cultural intelligence (CQ) that believers need to acquire to be effective in a cross-cultural partnership.

In the next few posts, I will explore this further, and include some personal stories from my experiences in the Middle East that involve a partnership ministry which serves among various Muslim groups.

What do you think? I invite your comments concerning the significance of honor and shame in ministering cross-culturally.

Know your cultural style

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Indigenous ministries, Quotes, articles & books related to cross-cultural partnership
Brooks Peterson has provided a huge service to help you acquire cultural intelligence—to help you work with people from other cultures
Brooks Peterson has provided a huge service to help you acquire cultural intelligence—to help you work with people from other cultures

What is culture? This book will teach you.

What are the five basic culture scales? Read this book and you will understand.

How do you define cultural intelligence (CQ)? Peterson gives a great definition.

What is your cultural style? How does your personal cultural style compare with the cultural style of the nation where you are serving (or the ethnic group with which you are involved)? This book and Peterson’s web site, AccrossCultures.com, give you outstanding tools to make the comparison.

This book is available from Amazon. Combine this with the corresponding web site and you have a simply great resource.

When westerners partner with indigenous ministries in the global south, there are so many challenges. Why not invest in understanding deeply the cultural differences between yourself and the ones with whom you are partnering? The money and time you will save—and the heartache you’ll be spared—will be so valuable!

Inter-related competencies for cross-cultural partnershipWhy do I believe this so important for healthy cross-cultural partnership? Because cultural intelligence is one of the big three—godly character, cultural intelligence, and organizational competence—each one is vital if your investments in a cross-cultural partnership are to really pay off in the long run.

Learn more about cultural intelligence as it relates to partnership with indigenous ministries by visiting the various pages in The Beauty of Partnership learning journey that are part of this web site.

A model for cross-cultural partnership—inside of God’s grace

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Godly character, Organizational competence
A model for cross-cultural partnership inside of God’s grace
A model for cross-cultural partnership inside of God’s grace

THE CROSS-CULTURAL PARTNERSHIP

  • A, B, and C are partners in a partnership—and represent any organization or ministry entity; for example, a western mission agency, an indigenous majority-world ministry, and a local church.
  • God’s grace—each ministry partner operates inside of the sphere of God’s grace (the large light green circle)—secured through the finished work of Jesus Christ.
  • The vision—is central to the partnership; it’s what has brought the partners together, and is far greater than what any partner can do alone. Each partner brings unique resources to work together toward  the vision.
  • The Cross—represents the finished work of Jesus Christ, and God’s passion to gather worshipers from among all peoples; this is what ultimately holds the partnership together.
  • The advocate—is an individual from one of the partner organizations who serves as a “champion” or ambassador for the partnership, and applies cultural intelligence as he/she serves the partnership toward the vision.

THE PARTNER ORGANIZATIONS

  • Character: Each partner has leaders with godly character (represented by the yellow circle) who live as followers of Jesus Christ. The principal thing is humility.
  • Culture: Each partner devotes resources to acquiring cultural intelligence (represented by the smaller green circle) in order to develop cultural awareness of self and others along with the ability to adjust behavior and attitudes. The principal thing is deep understanding.
  • Competence: Each partner has developed organizational competence (represented by the blue circle) with appropriate systems and accountability. The principal thing is wise practice.

If you are interested in developing godly character, cultural intelligence, and organizational competence for your cross-cultural partnership, consider joining The Beauty of Partnership learning journey. Or contact me, Werner Mischke at werner@mission1.org.

Risk in cross-cultural partnership, part 3 of 3: Navigating risk

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Godly character, Indigenous ministries, Organizational competence, Short-term missions
Are you avoiding risk, underestimating risk, or wisely navigating risk in your cross-cultural partnership?
Are you avoiding risk, underestimating risk, or wisely navigating risk in your cross-cultural partnership?

The first post in this series looked at avoiding risk; the second looked at underestimating risk. This blog post considers a third option—navigating risk—as an act of wise obedience to our Lord’s Great Commission.

3) Navigating risk: Wise entrepreneurial leaders are skilled at assessing risk. They have a knack for ‘knowing that they don’t know,’ and then investing in the knowledge, skills and attitudes to overcome the gaps in their knowledge and experience. Wise leaders know that Jesus Christ commands us to assess the risk and count the cost in following him:

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? –Luke 14:26–28 ESV

Likewise, when western leaders who are following Christ realize their journey is leading them into partnership with an indigenous ministry in the majority world, wise leaders know that they don’t know. The wise leader knows there are risks involved and says,

  • Let’s slow down and assess both the opportunity and the risk.
  • Let’s listen to God, and seek the wisdom of his Word for these matters.
  • Let’s go on an exploratory search do discover what we don’t know about cross-cultural partnership.
  • Let’s listen to other leaders who have been down this road before and have been successful.
  • Let’s navigate the risk, knowing that the opportunity for reward is tremendous, while recognizing that the risk for disappointment is just as real.

The wise leader invests in developing the knowledge, skills and attitudes that are necessary for a healthy cross-cultural partnership. He or she knows that developing these KSAs is not just a matter of information; it is rather, the result of a journey that will take time. The wise leader knows that there are many varying cultures in the world—and navigating the vast differences between cultures, worldviews, and social values may be as difficult as navigating across an ocean.

The wise leader invests in the journey to gain wisdom in the practice of healthy cross-cultural partnerships—and once having done so, he or she can truly begin to think big and responsibly pursue significant risk-laden dreams for the kingdom of God. The wise leader is thrilled to be a part of God’s Story, and knows that the impact of their decisions and actions in serving a cross-cultural partnership could ripple across the globe and throughout eternity to the glory of Christ.

To see a video about risk and cross-cultural partnership, go to this page—Week 3: Risk.

If you are interested in developing the knowledge, skills and attitudes
to wisely navigate a cross-cultural partnership,
then you may be ready for The Beauty of Partnership learning journey.
Click here to learn more, or simply write to me,
Werner Mischke, at werner@mission1.org.

Risk in cross-cultural partnership, part 2 of 3: Underestimating risk

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Godly character, Indigenous ministries, Organizational competence, Short-term missions
Are you avoiding risk, underestimating risk, or wisely navigating risk in your cross-cultural partnership?
Are you avoiding risk, underestimating risk, or wisely navigating risk in your cross-cultural partnership?

The first post in this series looked at avoiding risk. This post considers a second option: underestimating risk.

2) Underestimating risk: One of the common blessings of going on a mission trip or serving cross-culturally is to discover that the person who I’m getting to know is so different from me, and yet, because we have a common faith in Jesus Christ, we are part of the same family and have a built-in sense of deep spiritual connection. We discover just how true the Bible really is: “There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all” (Eph. 4:4–6).

How wonderful! With this knowledge, many Christians believe it is easy to begin a cross-cultural partnership, confident that whatever obstacles there may be, their common faith in Jesus will enable them to overcome any problems.

A year goes by; so far so good … Another year, and questions emerge … Over time, mistrust develops, and sure enough, obstacles arise along with misunderstandings. From one side are accusations of mismanagement; from the other side, accusations of colonialism or arrogance. It is discovered that expectations for the partnership are radically different, and what seemed at first to be an exciting “can’t-lose enterprise for the kingdom” becomes mired in disappointment and cross-cultural conflict.

What happened? They underestimated the risks. They underestimated the need for developing new knowledge, skills and attitudes (KSAs); they did not know that you must develop godly character, cultural intelligence, and organizational competence for healthy cross-cultural partnership.

Risk in cross-cultural partnership, part 1 of 3: Avoiding risk

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Godly character, Indigenous ministries, Organizational competence
Are you avoiding risk, underestimating risk, or wisely navigating risk in your cross-cultural partnership?
Are you avoiding risk, underestimating risk, or wisely navigating risk relative to cross-cultural partnership?

I believe there are three basic ways to think about risk relative to cross-cultural partnerships—or partnership with indigenous ministries. They are: Avoiding risk, underestimating risk, and navigating risk. This blog post considers the first option:

1) Avoiding risk: People who avoid risk relative to partnership with indigenous ministries do so for various reasons—perhaps because they have heard someone say, “You can’t trust the nationals”—or they tried a cross-cultural partnership and had a bad experience. So they simply conclude, “No way” or “Never again.”

They resist learning lessons of how to adjust their approach; they don’t know about the need to learn new skills. Maybe they are unaware that there is a specific skill set necessary for someone to be a partnership ambassador. So they never consider developing the Christlike servanthood, the listening skills, the cultural intelligence, the organizational systems that are necessary to succeed. They give up, thinking that partnership ought to be easy, or that partnership just doesn’t work. They may still have a nagging sense that the body of Christ really is supposed to work together around the world (the Bible surely seems to say that it’s possible), but they see no way to get there.

Sadly, their default response to the possibility of cross-cultural partnership is to avoid the risk, and thus, to forgo the enormous potential for greater blessing for the peoples of the world. They also forgo the privilege of a deep cross-cultural friendship, not to mention the opportunity to better know the Lord Jesus Christ through the journey of working with Christian leaders from other cultures.

Tomorrow’s post: Part 2 of 3—Underestimating risk

Three categories of competence for cross-cultural partnerships

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Godly character, Organizational competence, , ,

Inter-related competencies for cross-cultural partnershipGodly character, cultural intelligence, and organizational competence are the three inter-related categories of competence for people and ministries to have healthy cross-cultural partnerships. Growth in one arena usually impacts growth in the others. Likewise, deficits in one arena can also affect the others.

Here’s how we define these three categories or arenas:

1. GODLY CHARACTER means … following humbly our Lord Jesus Christ for the glory of God. At its core, godly character is—humility.

2. CULTURAL INTELLIGENCE (CQ) means … understanding deeply our diversity and unity 
for the glory of God. At its core, cultural intelligence is—deep understanding.

3. ORGANIZATIONAL COMPETENCE means … practicing wisely the art and science of 
partnership for the glory of God. At its core, organizational competence is—wise practice.

You can evaluate the health of a cross-cultural partnership by considering the three-legged stool. You need strength in all three “legs”—godly character, cultural intelligence, and organizational competence—for a healthy partnership. If the partnership is wobbly, at least one of the legs of the stool is weak or broken.

Evaluations are often made by asking questions; here are a few suggestions to help you get started:

  • GODLY CHARACTER: Does a lack of humility—a lack of Christlike servanthood—characterize the relationship or the key leaders on either side of the partnership? How much time are you devoting to slow, deliberate, empathic listening inside of the partnership? Note: Pride can be easy to recognize in others; it is harder to see in yourself.
  • CULTURAL INTELLIGENCE: Is there a lack of cultural intelligence—a deficit in awareness of the worldview or cultural values of the other party, or of the key leaders on either side of the partnership? Does this contribute to a lack of trust—or an unwillingness to make necessary adjustments in expectations or behavior? Note: Without training in cultural intelligence, this is very difficult to answer.
  • ORGANIZATIONAL COMPETENCE: Is there a vision for this partnership? Is there an alliance champion or ambassador with true collaboration skills? Is there a clear understanding of what is expected regarding reports, accountability, and protocol—from all sides of the partnership? Note: As with godly character and cultural intelligence, the wise practices that comprise organizational competence are, ideally, an ever-evolving process of growth on all sides of the partnership.

At Mission ONE, we have developed The Beauty of Partnership to equip Christian entrepreneurial leaders for a learning journey by which they not only gain much new knowledge, but also gain the skills and attitudes that are simply vital for healthy cross-cultural partnership. A weekend seminar will not give you the deep understanding and behavioral change necessary. That’s why it is a twelve-week missional learning journey.

At Mission ONE, we have a passion for equipping Christian entrepreneurial leaders for cross-cultural partnership. That is the main reason why this site exists. Would you like to join the journey? Write to me, Werner Mischke, at werner@mission1.org.

How does a partnership facilitator listen?

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Global Christian mission, Godly character
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”

How does a partnership facilitator listen? Here are twelve things to look for in a cross-cultural partnership facilitator relative to listening.

1. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators pray much before engaging in conversation with their indigenous ministry partners; they have a habit of asking God to give them “ears to hear.” Because of this habit, they have a lifestyle of listening. This may also be called “walking with God.”

2. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are comfortable listening to others; they’re skilled at asking questions—to learn, understand, and build trust. They are able to hear with their heart.

3. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are generally quiet; they’re not talkative people who need to get recognition for their every point of view. Beware of talkative people; they make bad partnership facilitators for one reason: they are not good at listening. Loud Americans and westerners are unsightly and ineffective in cross-cultural partnership settings.

4. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are skilled at “drawing out” and listening to the dreams of others, then reflecting back to them what they heard to make sure everyone understands.

5. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators enjoy helping their indigenous ministry partner’s dreams come true. They are happy when others get credit for ministry accomplishments. This joy fuels their interest in others and their ability to truly listen.

6. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are able to suspend judgment when faced with thorny situations; they do not rush to judgment; they are not rash. They are willing to give the benefit of the doubt, especially because significant cultural distance can so easily create misunderstanding. At the same time, they are able to wisely and lovingly ask difficult questions when a situation requires it.

7. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are generous about their time—they’re willing to take the time to sort through all the issues and gain a hearing from all sides. Good listening requires patience.

8. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators have invested in cultivating their own cultural intelligence (CQ). They are comfortable with various cultural dynamics such as direct versus indirect communications styles and can adjust accordingly. This makes them at ease; they are able to listen and converse skillfully in diverse settings.

9. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are effective at networking and mobilizing resources to pursue an agreed-upon vision. They also know that financial resources are not nearly as valuable as human resources.

10. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are able to recognize the value of modern business principles, while never making them idols that drive Christian mission. They see modern management methods as helpful, but not nearly as vital and catalytic as listening to God and to others, “hearing with your heart.”

11. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators are Christ-centered. They live out an “abiding-in-Christ lifestyle” that allows them to value all people as sacred, and are committed to relational integrity above task-driven, numbers-oriented objectives. Christ himself is at the heart of their listening skills.

12. Good cross-cultural partnership facilitators know that partnership is not so much a rational enterprise as a heart-to-heart community in the body of Christ; nevertheless, their “listening lifestyle” is in balance with a strong work ethic by which they pursue a partnership ministry vision of great deeds for the glory of God.

Slow down: listen with your heart

Competencies for cross-cultural partnership, Cross-cultural partnership, Cultural intelligence, Godly character

He who has ears to hear, let him hear.
–Matthew 11:15

Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”
Empathic listening is “hearing with your heart”

One of the critical skills for effective cross-cultural partnerships is empathic listening: “hearing with your heart.” [1] The purpose of this blog post and the two or three that will follow is to show you what this means. Below is a 14-minute video with Alan and Pauly Heller of the ministry Walk&Talk, entitled “Alan & Pauly Heller … On Listening.” You may be  thinking, “Fourteen minutes! Are you kidding? I don’t have that much time!”—which probably proves why you need to watch this video. I believe there is no more important skill in today’s world of global Christian mission and ministry, than the art of slowing down … listening well … hearing with your heart—in relationship to people and to our Lord. This is why an entire set of lessons is devoted to listening in The Beauty of Partnership learning journey.

Alan & Pauly Heller participated in a marriage retreat sponsored by Mission ONE in Thailand in March 2009. This was done to serve Mission ONE’s ministry partner, Mekong Evangelical Mission (MEM), directed by Dr. Chansamone Saiyasak. Eighteen Christian leaders from Thailand and Southeast Asia attended with their spouses. Alan & Pauly shared their ministry of training couples in specific listening skills—to help them connect heart-to-heart with one another. The marriage retreat had a huge impact on all those who participated—and even on the whole ministry of MEM. In the video below, you will see the crux of what Alan & Pauly taught in the marriage retreat in Thailand.

In tomorrow’s blog you will see pictures from the marriage retreat and comments reflecting the results. So come back tomorrow. Enjoy…


1. I discovered this definition of empathic listening on the web page of Peter K. Gerlach, MSW: http://sfhelp.org